“The difference between successful people and very successful people is that very successful people say no to almost everything.” — Warren Buffett
According to Aristotle, our actions shape our identity. Specifically, our choices determine who we become. Each moment we encounter offers a chance to affirm or deny. With every decision we make, we give our consent.
When we engage in mindless scrolling on Facebook, we utter a silent “yes.” When we indulge in food, it’s another approval given. Even as you read this very article, you’re silently nodding in agreement.
However, it’s crucial to remember that every “yes” comes at a cost. Each choice we make carries consequences, and we inevitably sacrifice something else. Saying “yes” is not without its price.
Self-Signaling: The Science Of Identity
According to research by Dr. Ronit Bodner and Dr. Drazen Prelec, “Actions provide a signal to ourselves, that is, actions are self-signaling.” In other words, your actions provide a signal to you of the type of person you are.
If you wake up early and go running, you’ll think to yourself, “I’M THE KIND OF PERSON… that wakes up early and goes running.”
Whatever decisions you’ve made, you’ll conclude “I’M THE TYPE OF PERSON… that does X, Y, OR Z…” (Luckily, as will be shown in a moment, your past is actually highly fluid, and can be changed by future actions.)
In the recent book, Skin in the Game, Dr. Nassim Nicholas Taleb explains that WHAT YOU DO is the purest definition of your value system. In Start with Why, Simon Sinek said the same thing. Your actions demonstrate what you really believe.
Gandhi said, “Action expresses priorities.” He also said, “To believe in something, and not to live it, is dishonest,” which is what psychologists call “Cognitive dissonance” — the state of internal conflict. You can’t be confident if you don’t trust yourself. Confidence is a byproduct of congruent and successful behavior.
Confidence is the emotional state of someone whose PRIOR action was intentional and accurate of the person they planned on being.
Past, Present, and Future Identities
“It’s a conscious decision to choose your priorities every day.” — Elisabeth Hasselbeck
- Your present identity is based on what you said “yes” to yesterday. Who are you today is a product of your previous decisions.
- Your future identity is what you say “yes” to today. Who you’ll be tomorrow is a product of your current decisions.
- Your past identity is what you’ll say “yes” to tomorrow. Who you were in the past is a product of future decisions. Because memories are highly fluid and change based on current and future experiences. No matter how dark or conflicted your past, it can absolutely be transformed. As you change, the meaning of your past changes — as does the memory of it.
Your past can be redeemed by positive future decisions. Your present can make sense when you say “yes” to only that which you aspire to be like. And your future is as bright as your faith. As Napoleon Hill said, “Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, the mind can achieve.”
But only if you act in accordance with that future vision…
Hence, Zig Ziglar was famous for saying, “You’ve got to be before you can do and do before you can have.” You decide WHO you want to be, and act accordingly. If you don’t act accordingly, you’ll signal to yourself that you’re someone else. Because you are what you DO. More directly, you are what you say “YES” to.
You DECIDE who you want to be. But that decision is only a real decision if you DO what that decision entails. Otherwise, it wasn’t really a decision. The decision is only a decision if ACTION aligns with it.
Conclusion
It interesting that these posts are actually more for my own benefit that anything else. My dad had a phrase he would often say that our thoughts clarify themselves when they move from our might though our fingers to paper. I have been very convicted by this post and the readings that led up to it.
- “If you have more than three priorities, you don’t have any.” – Jim Collins, Good to Great.
- In his book, ESSENTIALISM: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less, Greg McKeown emphasizes the profound insignificance of practically everything. It is crucial to swiftly decline most things with a resounding “NO.”
- Quoting billionaire Warren Buffett, who points out the key distinction between successful individuals and the very successful ones: their ability to say no to almost everything.
- Similarly, Jim Rohn astutely observes that many people fail to thrive simply because they devote their time to trivial matters. Most individuals tend to say “YES” to minor things, thereby leading minor lives instead of embracing the opportunities for major achievements.
Who will you be tomorrow? That depends on what you DO today.
