Most Leaders Don’t Even Know the Game They’re In
Let’s be honest: if trust and cooperation were standard in our organizations, I probably wouldn’t have a career talking about them. But the reality is, they’re not. That gap—between what should be and what is—creates an opportunity for leaders willing to do the work of building real connection and perspective within their teams.
The Real Job of a Leader
Too many leaders get so caught up in their status and position that they forget their real job isn’t about being in charge—it’s about taking care of those in their charge. When we’re starting out, our only responsibility is to be good at our jobs. We get training, we work hard, and if we’re good, we get promoted. But here’s the catch: at some point, you’re no longer responsible for the job—you’re responsible for the people who do the job. And nobody teaches us how to make that transition. That’s why we end up with so many managers, but so few true leaders.
Leadership is a skill, just like any other. It’s learnable, and it’s something you have to practice. If you work at it, you’ll get stronger. If you neglect it, you’ll get weaker. And it comes at a cost: when things go right, you give away the credit; when things go wrong, you take the responsibility. That’s the sacrifice of leadership.
The Power of Environment
It’s easy to blame “the people” when things go wrong, but the truth is, it’s about the environment we create. Take the story of Noah, a barista at the Four Seasons in Las Vegas. He loves his job, not because of fancy perks, but because any manager—at any time—will ask him what he needs to do his job better. Contrast that with his experience at another hotel, where managers only show up to catch mistakes. Same person, two radically different environments. Leadership sets the tone.
We’re quick to hire and fire, but you wouldn’t put your child up for adoption if they struggled at school. Why do we treat employees differently? Practicing empathy means caring about the human being, not just their output. When someone’s numbers are down, ask what’s going on in their life. Are they okay? That’s empathy in action.
Empathy and Perspective: The Missing Ingredients
Our youngest generation in the workforce—Millennials—often get labeled as entitled or difficult. But if we practice empathy, we see a different story. They grew up with instant gratification, curated social media lives, and often, a lack of resilience-building experiences. They’re not entitled—they’re impatient, and they’re searching for meaning in environments that rarely nurture it.
Add in technology, impatience, and environments that prioritize shareholder value over people, and you get workplaces where trust and cooperation are rare. We’ve normalized mass layoffs and cultures of fear, making it nearly impossible for anyone—let alone young employees—to admit mistakes or ask for help.
The Infinite Game
Here’s where perspective comes in. In game theory, there are finite games (known players, fixed rules, clear winners and losers) and infinite games (players come and go, rules change, the objective is to keep playing). Business is an infinite game. There’s no “winning” because there’s no agreed-upon endpoint. Yet, most companies play as if there’s a finish line, obsessed with beating the competition rather than advancing their own cause.
The organizations that thrive—Apple, Southwest Airlines, Costco—aren’t trying to win every quarter. They’re playing for the long haul, focused on their purpose, their people, and continuous improvement. They frustrate their competition because they’re not even playing the same game.
So, What Game Are You Playing?
If you want to be a great leader, start with empathy. Create environments where people feel safe, valued, and able to be themselves. Then, shift your perspective: stop playing to win the next quarter or beat the competition. Play the infinite game. Focus on advancing your cause, serving your people, and building something that lasts.
That’s the real game of leadership. Are you playing it?
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